grief compounds. each time as if for the first time sharp sliver needle thin between each joint. a little wild. i am wild with grief, wild sprouts haphazard deep between within sternum. grief is an extension of love. an extension expansion i crumple into a tight ball holding myself together for fear of disintegration.

for an hour i was brought close to that time when i lost my ability and desire to speak for close to a month. for an hour, a frenzy that i found i could contain after some wrestling. this time it’s a little different, this time i am different. this time i just want to hold closer dearer.

what rumi was, is to me. how he entered my life at a point when i was still learning my own contours, what home, what kind of home i want to build. he was with me when i was in the Pit, quietly, softly. he taught me if i cannot go gently then at least, i can go slowly. he was the first life i nurtured with H, in our fierce friendship and kinship.

i cannot write anymore but i want to log this.