to look towards the future, together. i return to a time when i listened closely to myself, when noise music was my soundscape the moment i wake. a time of refusal, a time of being so in tuned with my internal shifts i have no energy for anything external. a time of being selectively mute.Continue reading
this morning i am thinking about ferocity.
a brace. i am learning how to identify and relearn the micro movements of my own muscles. it feels like a slight twinge of cold and an increased sense of structural integrity that anticipates blows. i remember this feeling well, in my early teens, when touch was unbearable. any sudden movement and i would flinch.Continue reading
grief compounds. each time as if for the first time sharp sliver needle thin between each joint. a little wild. i am wild with grief, wild sprouts haphazard deep between within sternum. grief is an extension of love. an extension expansion i crumple into a tight ball holding myself together for fear of disintegration. forContinue reading
the moon now in aquarius. a swivel, fixed. when i think aquarius i think of an expansion rooted deep in the ribs of this earth. i think of the water bearer, holding pouring. i forgot what i had wanted to say, but i know i want to say something. there are many constant threads thatContinue reading
https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/0rkKoFtgXTBSy8MLtwYPmc i wrote an entire resonant chunk but it didn’t save, and it feels like an exorcism. that perhaps those words weren’t supposed to be archived, materialised. this song, its lyrics… the words escape me now, only a really really complex tight knot of affect remains. the contours of a memory i typed with suchContinue reading
morning hazy with skin sensitive to every thread on my sheets and left arm aching. my body is fighting overtime now, with the second dose of hollow cells. i think it’s a fever, but i can’t be sure. this heat pooling under my right arm resting on a bolster, this throbbing slow in my head.Continue reading
for about two months now, since i’ve returned to singapore from taiwan, i’ve had drafts upon drafts of thoughts i’d wanted to post on this space. for about two months now, i kill those drafts or let them sit unseen because they didn’t feel enough. i’m sick of feeling like this world is inhabitable andContinue reading
for 薛丁格的貓【 Plant 】
— A persisting tension of death and life before Shrodinger lifts the flap of the box, an acceptance of unknown and stasis unbearably brimming. In these pandemic times, the decision to go forth in gathering people to witness your music is not to be taken lightly. Yet my experience of this set is only light,Continue reading “for 薛丁格的貓【 Plant 】”
For Linda, through grief’s iridescence
[CW: suicide] Dear Linda, it’s taken me some time to write this after finishing your book, Loss Adjustment. There were so many lingering thoughts and emotions that I had to let them sit, slowly untangling them from each other… Grief is something close to my heart, a little too close. It is precisely because ofContinue reading “For Linda, through grief’s iridescence”
